Why Understanding Your Trauma Isn’t Enough – A Client Story

The self-help industry is booming. Thousands of new books land on the shelves each year. Trauma, gaslighting, "nervous system regulation" - these used to be niche psychological terms and now they’re everyday language.

I don't see this as a bad thing. More people than ever understand why they feel the way they do. The missing piece isn’t awareness. It's action.

One of the strongest forces in the human experience is this: your body must act in alignment with what your mind believes. If your mind is convinced that it's not safe to speak up, your body will back it up. Not just emotionally, but physically. It might show up as a shaky voice, tight vocal cords, the words drying up mid-sentence. Or maybe your gut starts acting up - IBS symptoms flaring right before a big presentation.

The Loop That Keeps You Stuck

This isn’t random, you are not being punished. It’s your nervous system running an old, familiar program. Repeating the same action will only reinforce the same belief. That’s the loop. And eventually, something has to give. You’ll either change your mind, or you’ll change your action.

That’s why hypnosis is so effective. It shifts your thoughts and your actions, and as you witness this new reality being formed, one that once felt out of reach, you start to reinforce the change you once thought was impossible.

But let's be honest - taking new action can feel terrifying. Especially when it runs against years of conditioning and nervous system imprinting. That’s the part people don’t often talk about. Insight doesn’t automatically make action feel easy. In fact, the more you understand your trauma, the more aware you become of the resistance to change.

That resistance isn’t weakness. It’s protection. Your system learned that stillness, silence, people-pleasing, or avoidance kept you safe. So when you try to behave differently - speak up, take up space, ask for what you need - it can feel as scary as bungee-jumping. Your whole body braces, your mind panics, even when you're technically safe.

That fear isn’t weakness. It’s just old wiring trying to protect you.

The Client Who Found Her Voice

I worked with a client recently who was going through something similar. Just starting out as a mental health professional, deeply committed to helping others. Wanting to feel at ease when talking to people - but unable to find her voice, she had a constricted sensation around her throat.

She felt hesitant to promote herself and her business. Struggling to fully accept, let alone enjoy, the fact that she was creating the life she’d always dreamed of. We started by identifying what she really wanted. To feel free in her work. To speak with confidence. To grow her capacity to handle the success. She used words like open, happy, energised, seen. She wasn’t chasing fame. She just wanted to show up as herself - for herself, and for her clients.

Where It All Begins: Childhood Conditioning

As always, we talked through some of her past. I don’t need every detail but I listened very closely, especially when she spoke about her family. So much of our conditioning is shaped in those first seven years of life. The nervous system picks up messages about safety, value, and belonging long before we have the words to question them.

In hypnosis the blueprint revealed itself. She returned to moments in childhood where she felt powerless and unseen. Times where her voice didn’t matter, where her opinion was brushed off, where her perspective simply didn’t land. She remembered feeling unable to cope with challenges on her own.

Needing others to step in, protect her, speak for her. As the youngest child, she was surrounded by older siblings who did just that. They meant well - but what she internalised was that she couldn’t do it herself. That she wasn’t strong enough, or capable enough, to stand on her own.

Holding Childhood Memories with Compassion

Now, before we jump into blaming families or pointing fingers - it’s important to hold this gently. The memories she accessed were from when she was between four and eight years old. Her perception of the world was still forming. She was interpreting everything through the lens of a child’s nervous system. Of course her conclusions were limited. Of course she came to believe she needed protection, validation, someone else to stand in front.

That doesn’t mean those beliefs were true. They felt true at the time, and she went into the world looking for proof. But they don’t need to come with her now. Not into her work, her voice, or the life she’s creating.

It’s Time to Update the Story

This is why I always say our beliefs need updating. Not because we got them wrong, but because they were formed at a time when we didn’t have the whole picture. It’s completely understandable for a four-year-old to think she’s not safe to speak up. It’s not okay for a forty-year-old to still be living by that rule.

What my client uncovered was so deeply relevant. The feeling of not belonging. Of being on the outside of the very profession she felt called to. The tightness in her throat. The sense that showing up as a therapist, with her full voice and presence, was somehow out of reach.

But once she came face-to-face with these beliefs as a grown-up, everything changed. She could integrate the lessons and shed the rest. The energetic shift of that moment is my favourite part - when a client releases the old and begins to remember their strength, their power. You can feel it.

This is a potent space for reinvention, for rewiring and for anchoring a new reality. One where she can handle challenge. Where she feels relaxed when speaking. Where she knows she has every right to be proud of who she is, to show up fully, and to hold space for others.

From Insight to Integration

And this is where everything we talked about earlier comes full circle. Because healing complex trauma isn’t just about insight. It’s about choosing a new step - one that runs counter to the old survival strategies. One that tells your nervous system, through action, that it’s safe now.

If any of this resonates with you, maybe it’s time to ask: What small step would feel new, yet safe enough, today?

Start there. That’s where healing begins.