The Quiet Exhaustion Behind Perfectionism (and How to Set Yourself Free)

On the outside, perfectionism can look polished - disciplined, high-achieving, always “on it.” But under the surface it's often a swirl of self-doubt, emotional fatigue, and a brain that simply cannot switch off.

If you’ve ever felt like no matter how much you do, it’s never enough… If rest only happens when you’re completely wiped out… Or if “asking for help” feels a bit like pulling teeth…

This one’s for you.

Ten quiet traits of perfectionism

1. Achieving as a Way to Feel Worthy

“Maybe this next achievement will finally make me feel good enough.” Spoiler: it never does. It’s like trying to fill a bucket that has a hole in the bottom.

2. Only Rests Once the Body Says "No More"

Rest feels indulgent - until burnout hits like a freight train. Then it’s not optional but survival.

3. Emotional Weather Forecaster

You can read a room in two seconds flat. And you’re already adjusting your behaviour to keep everyone else comfortable. It’s exhausting and reinforcing people-pleasing.

4. Procrastination (But Make It Look Productive)

Why start something if it might not be perfect? Better to wait until it’s the “right time”... which often means cramming everything into one stressy sprint the night before. Sound familiar? (Yep, high-five on this one)

5. Internal Critic on Full Blast

There’s a voice in your head that rarely celebrates, but always critiques. It’s like having a snarky old headmistress living rent-free in your mind.

6. Bottled-Up Resentment

Saying yes when you want to say no. Smiling through irritation. Carrying the weight without complaining - until it all boils over. You’re not difficult. You’re just done.

7. Unrealistic Standards

The bar isn’t just high - it’s floating somewhere in the stratosphere. And when you fall short (because you’re human), you’re harder on yourself than anyone else ever could be.

8. Can’t Ask for Help

You’ll juggle 12 flaming batons before asking someone to hold one. Asking feels like failing.(It’s not.)

9. Perfectionist About Not Being a Perfectionist

The irony. “I’m trying to let go of perfectionism. Am I doing it right??” My favourite one is when perfectionism used for learning to meditate - I've been there that's how I know.

10. Denying Your Humanity

Mistakes, rest, vulnerability, softness - these aren’t flaws. They’re signs you’re human.

How to Gently Step Away from Perfectionism

First, take a breath and acknowledge that your body and brain are just trying to keep you safe. Yes, this has meant keeping you in survival mode, and that's okay. You'll do better when know better.

Here’s where change begins:

Start small. Let things be okay for now. Train your good-enoughness muscle. Soften your inner critic into curiosity. “What am I needing right now?” will take you further than “What did I do wrong?”

Rest before you crash. Moments of peace - if you can, or moments of stretch and presence - again, if you can. If these are unreachable goals, reach out please, I am more than happy to help you reset.

And if you’re ready to work deeper - tools like hypnotherapy can help you safely access the beliefs sitting beneath the surface. The ones you didn’t choose, but have been running the show.

Hypnotherapy is an efficient method to retrain the mind to respond to life’s challenges with self-trust rather than self-blame. It creates space for emotional adaptability - something that becomes vital during motherhood, perimenopause, or any chapter where who you are is quietly changing.

Final thoughts

Perfectionism might look shiny, but it’s often just fear in disguise, or as Brené Brown says: it's a 20-ton shield protecting you from criticism, blame and ridicule. You don’t need to be flawless to feel peace, connection, or joy. In fact, the most meaningful moments usually come in the mess. So let go of the impossible standards. Rest before you’re completely burned out. Speak to yourself like someone you love.