The Quiet Exhaustion Behind Perfectionism (and How to Set Yourself Free)
- Anna Carroll
- Apr 11
- 3 min read
On the outside, perfectionism can look polished—disciplined, high-achieving, always “on it.”But under the surface it's often a swirl of self-doubt, emotional fatigue, and a brain that simply cannot switch off.
If you’ve ever felt like no matter how much you do, it’s never enough…If rest only happens when you’re completely wiped out…Or if “asking for help” feels a bit like pulling teeth…
This one’s for you.
Let’s take a look at some of the quieter traits that often come with perfectionism. This isn’t about judgement—I catch myself doing these things too, every now and then.
It’s not about having it all figured out. Just a moment of awareness (and maybe a little humour) to keep things light while you sip your morning coffee.
1. Achieving as a Way to Feel Worthy
“Maybe this next achievement will finally make me feel good enough.”Spoiler: it never does. It’s like trying to fill a bucket that has a hole in the bottom.
2. Only Rests Once the Body Says "No More"
Rest feels indulgent—until burnout hits like a freight train.Then it’s not optional. It’s survival.
3. Emotional Weather Forecaster
You can read a room in two seconds flat. And you’re already adjusting your behaviour to keep everyone else comfortable. It’s exhausting. And honestly? It’s not your job.
4. Procrastination (But Make It Look Productive)
Why start something if it might not be perfect?Better to wait until it’s the “right time”... which often means cramming everything into one stressy sprint the night before.Sound familiar?
5. Internal Critic on Full Blast
There’s a voice in your head that rarely celebrates, but always critiques. It’s like having a snarky old headmistress living rent-free in your mind.
6. Bottled-Up Resentment
Saying yes when you want to say no. Smiling through irritation. Carrying the weight without complaining—until it all boils over. You’re not difficult. You’re just done.
7. Unrealistic Standards
The bar isn’t just high—it’s floating somewhere in the stratosphere.And when you fall short (because you’re human), you’re harder on yourself than anyone else ever could be.
8. Can’t Ask for Help
You’ll juggle 12 flaming batons before asking someone to hold one.Asking feels like failing.(It’s not.)
9. Perfectionist About Not Being a Perfectionist
The irony.“I’m trying to let go of perfectionism. Am I doing it right??”Oh love, you’re not alone.
10. Denying Your Humanity
Mistakes, rest, vulnerability, softness—these aren’t flaws.They’re signs you’re alive.
How to Gently Step Away from Perfectionism
First, take a breath. You’re not broken. You’ve just been operating in survival mode, and your brain’s been doing its best to keep you safe.
Here’s where change begins:
Start small. Let things be okay for now. Train your good-enoughness muscle.
Soften your inner critic into curiosity. “What am I needing right now?” will take you further than “What did I do wrong?”
Rest before you crash. Not because you ticked everything off—just because your body is worthy of care.
Let people in. Asking for support isn’t weakness. It’s being human.
And if you’re ready to work deeper—tools like hypnotherapy can help you safely access the beliefs sitting beneath the surface. The ones you didn’t choose, but have been running the show.
Through hypnotherapy, we gently retrain the mind to respond to life’s challenges with self-trust rather than self-blame. It creates space for emotional adaptability—something that becomes vital during motherhood, perimenopause, or any chapter where who you are is quietly changing.
Final thoughts
Perfectionism might look shiny, but it’s often just fear in disguise, or as Brené Brown says: it's a 20-ton shield protecting you from criticism, blame and ridicule. You don’t need to be flawless to feel peace, connection, or joy. In fact, the most meaningful moments usually come in the mess. So let go of the impossible standards. Rest before you’re completely burned out. Speak to yourself like someone you love.