When Self-Belief Feels Out of Reach (Even When You’re Doing Just Fine)

You know those days where you tick every box, meet the deadline, soothe the child, send the email, maybe even eat something green — and yet, somehow, you still feel like you're falling behind?

It’s not that you’re failing. It’s that something deeper is whispering, “You’re not doing enough.”

And that whisper? It’s not the truth. It’s a pattern. One that many of us — especially those juggling ambition, motherhood, hormones and healing — carry quietly, every day.

New research from UCL just confirmed what many of my clients already sense deep down: That anxiety and depression often skew our self-belief — not because we're underperforming, but because we over-focus on our low moments and dismiss the times we actually did well.

In other words, if you tend to ruminate more on the thing you fumbled than the ten things you nailed — you’re not broken. Your brain is just trained to highlight the “not good enough” moments. And that habit, left unexamined, slowly chips away at your confidence, no matter how well you’re actually doing.

If you tend to ruminate more on the thing you fumbled than the ten things you nailed — you’re not broken. Your brain is just trained to highlight the “not good enough” moments.

Here’s what they found:

• People with symptoms of anxiety and depression performed just as well as everyone else.

• Positive feedback still boosted their confidence — but not enough to override their own inner doubt.

• The biggest issue? When reflecting on how they did, they ignored the times they felt confident and focused almost entirely on when they didn’t.

Sound familiar?

This study is particularly meaningful for the women I work with. Women who lead businesses, care for families, ride the waves of perimenopause, and still somehow wonder if they’re “too much” or “not enough” — often both in the same hour.

Here’s what I want you to hear today:

Your self-belief might not be reflecting reality. It might just be echoing an old pattern.

A pattern built in environments where your confidence was questioned or punished. Where success had to be earned over and over. Where being “right” wasn’t enough — you also had to be liked, calm, selfless, flawless.

But you’re not there anymore.

This isn’t about pretending you’re confident when you’re not. It’s about recognising that your brain — especially under stress — might be filtering your experiences through the wrong lens.

What if we stopped asking, “Why can’t I just believe in myself?”And started asking, “What am I still measuring myself against — and does that measure still fit who I am now?”

This is why hypnotherapy and subconscious work is so powerful. Not because it changes who you are — but because it helps you finally hear yourself clearly, beneath the noise. It helps you start building self-belief on truth, not fear.

If something in you is ready to stop circling the same self-doubt — and finally shift the pattern — I’d love to support you.

Click here to book a free clarity call or simply message me and let’s find what would feel most supportive for where you’re at now. You don’t have to figure it all out alone.