As a results-oriented person, I naturally gravitate toward therapeutic and self-improvement methods that deliver measurable outcomes. That’s why, in any session, discussing the starting point — the presenting problem — is essential. Equally important, though, is defining your desired goals.
Often, when I ask clients, "What will your life look like without the anxiety or the pain?" there's a pause. It's usually the quietest part of our conversation. Articulating a vision for life beyond the current struggles can feel daunting because, until that moment, the dream might have been just that — a distant idea without a clear path forward.
I completely understand this hesitation. Dreaming about something is one thing, but having the courage to believe in it, speak it out loud, and then take actionable steps toward achieving it? That’s an entirely new level. It’s like comparing "I have a dream" with reaching level 6000 in the journey of realizing your aspirations.
Why is it hard to visualize your goals?
One reason could be what’s called "loss of future dimension." If you grew up in a traumatic environment, like with an overly controlling parent (trauma comes in many forms, not just alcoholism), you might have spent a lot of time in survival mode, focusing on pleasing others or just getting through the day. In those moments, your own goals were probably pushed to the back burner. You weren’t given the space or permission to dream big. This kind of conditioning can leave you feeling like a passive participant in your own life, as if your desires don’t truly matter.
So, when I ask you to describe what your life would look like after overcoming your current struggles, it’s not surprising if you're out of words. Dreaming about change is one thing, but believing those dreams are possible and putting them into words? That’s where the fear of failure — or success — might momentarily hold you back.
And that’s okay.
It can take time to fully grasp what you really want. During our conversation, I may offer suggestions, but it's crucial that the details of your goals come from you. I want your dreams to be crystal clear, so your mind and body are fully aligned with them. Notice how I said goals — not dreams anymore. Because this is where your dreams start to take on a more concrete, achievable shape.
If you need time to reflect and gain clarity, I fully support that. But I won’t let you settle for vague, wishy-washy ideas. I’m here to help, but this is your life, and taking control starts the moment you engage in this process with me. When I ask, "How would you like your life to be after the session?" — it’s your invitation to step out of old mental conditioning and step into the version of yourself you were meant to be.
Having a clear vision is an important step to breaking through old patterns and stepping into a life that reflects your true desires. the way toward making it a reality. It might feel challenging at first, but by training your mind to embrace this new vision, you're empowering yourself to create the life you desire. Gain clarity, and everything else becomes far more achievable.