Calm the Chaos: How Your Subconscious and Nervous System Shape Stress (and What to Do About It)

A friend of mine said recently, “I don’t get why people stress about things they can’t control. If you can’t change it, let it go.”

And look, I get what he meant. In theory, it makes sense. But in reality? It’s not that simple. Especially when your body is already running on high alert.

Feeling on edge most of the time makes you part of a very overcrowded club. Stress has become the quiet background noise in so many women’s lives—persistent, exhausting, and often dismissed. It’s not just about what’s happening around us. It’s also about what’s happening inside us.

Stress isn’t always a conscious choice. Most of the time, it’s a reaction. It happens fast, automatically, and often without us even realising. That’s because the part of us responding to stress isn’t the logical mind. It’s the protective, automatic part of the brain that’s job is to keep us safe.

The Stress Loop: Why Awareness Changes Everything

Here’s what’s often missed. It’s your perception of a situation that triggers the stress response. And perception lives in your subconscious.

So if your inner programming sees a full calendar as a threat to your peace, or a difficult conversation as something unsafe, your body will respond accordingly. Even if your logical mind knows better.

This is why mindset work alone often falls short. You have to go deeper. You have to update the old story as well as find tools to regulate your nervous system.

The Quiet Mechanics of Stress

Your subconscious mind is always scanning for threat, even when you're not aware of it. It remembers past experiences, stores emotional responses, and picks up patterns from early life. And when it senses something familiar or something that feels unsafe, it sends signals to your nervous system to prepare for danger.

That’s when your body kicks into fight or flight. Even if you’re just trying to get the kids out the door. Or respond to a difficult message. Or figure out dinner when you’re already tired.

This is where many women find themselves stuck. Not because they’re doing something wrong. But because their system has been trained over years to stay on high alert.

Why You Can’t Just “Let It Go”

You can’t talk yourself out of stress if your body and subconscious don’t feel safe. Telling yourself to calm down when your heart is racing and your thoughts are spiralling is like whispering over a fire alarm. Adding shame into the mix 'Why can't I just let it go?'

won’t make it stop. It actually turns up the volume.

Remember, your body is doing exactly what it was wired to do.

What Happens When Stress Becomes the Default

When your subconscious stays on high alert, your body starts treating everything like a threat. That constant activation can show up as:

• Anxiety

• Insomnia

• Gut issues

• Mood swings

• Low immunity

• Fatigue that doesn’t budge

• That stubborn belly weight that seems to defy every diet

It’s not just stress. It’s the cycle of stress. And it’s exhausting.

How to Shift Out of Survival Mode

The good news is your body and subconscious aren’t stuck. They’re responsive. They’re constantly being shaped by your thoughts, your actions, and your experiences.

That means change is possible. Not by force. But by creating new signals of safety and support.

Try these to create a calmer experience:

• Mindfulness and Breathwork

  Simple, accessible, and powerful. Slowing your breath signals safety to your nervous system.

  
  

• Gentle Movement

  Yoga, walking, stretching. Anything that helps your body release tension without pushing into overdrive.

  
  

• Therapeutic Support

  CBT can help shift surface-level thought patterns. Hypnosis goes deeper, updating the subconscious beliefs that keep triggering the stress loop.

  
  

• Visualisation

  This one’s a quiet superpower. Imagine yourself responding calmly in a situation that normally triggers you. The subconscious learns through repetition and imagery.
  

A New Kind of Calm Is Possible

When you start listening to what your body is saying and respond from a place of curiosity and safety, you don’t just reduce stress. You create a whole new pattern. One that needs to be rehearsed and planted into your subconscious mind so it can gradually replace the old, outdated response.

If you’re ready to explore a more personalised approach, I offer hypnotherapy sessions designed to gently rewire the stress patterns held in your body and subconscious. It’s not about control. It’s about creating safety and balance, so your system feels supported, heard, and no longer stuck in survival mode.